Stevie Soul Stuck in Perpetual State of Beatbox

Stephen Q. Soul, or Stevie Soul as he is known on Rapt.fm, used to love to beatbox. That is no longer the case. According to the nation’s top Neurologist, Dr. Kenneth Atwater, Stevie’s brain can process thoughts in English but can only express these thoughts via beatbox.

“There seems to be a failure of the frontal lobe in the cerebrum to articulate the appropriate words necessary for Mr. Soul to express his thoughts to others,” Dr. Atwater explained. “I don’t understand it, but his beats are sick.”

Stevie Soul has had an extremely difficult time communicating with others due to his condition. He can often be seen in meetings attempting to offer suggestions, yet he just releases a sweet drum break.

“He’s always trying to entertain us with his beatboxing,” said Marcus Bryant, a Quicken Loans team member. “He gets really into it. So much so that he ends up very emotional after a few minutes of doing that cool thing with his voice. He slams his fists on his desk after making us all laugh and clap. He has so much passion.”

From ordering food to talking with his team leader, Soul is unable to communicate any of his needs, wants or desires.

Recently Soul tore his hamstring on Gratiot Ave and could only sob as passersby cheered and applauded his screams for help which sounded like a trumpet solo. He eventually crawled to Henry Ford Hospital and delighted doctors with what sounded like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

I managed to sit down with Stevie Soul to get his feelings on being stuck in a state of beatbox.

“Brrrrrrrrrrrt. Sssssk, ssssssk, chk-ah,” Stevie told me as he peered solemnly out of the window. “Vvvvt, tktktktk, tsssss.”

It sounded so cool. Seriously, you guys. He sounds just like a DJ.

*Disclaimer – This article is from a column we are calling “Yay Before Nay.” These are fake stories written by Quicken Loans team members designed to lighten your day and maybe make you laugh. Stay tuned for more Yay Before Nay articles a couple times a week. If you liked the article feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of the page.